im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
