My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
