Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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