We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
