you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
