You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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