Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

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(802): View more from Vermont

I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag

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(614): View more from Ohio

Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.

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(425): View more from Washington

Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs

(201): View more from New Jersey

And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again

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