Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
