I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
