I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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