Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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