dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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