You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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