Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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