she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
