if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
