i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
