hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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