Michael Bay diarrhea
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't notice because vodka
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
