I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
