just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
