he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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