She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
