If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
