Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do vagina's smell?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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