Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
