dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
