I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
