sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
