Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
