can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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