i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
