lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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