omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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