I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
