Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
