Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
