Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
