I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
