Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
