I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
