my phone needs a breathalizer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
