first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
