dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
