I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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