Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
