my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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