honey bunches of taint.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
