I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
