Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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