Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
two words...techno handjob
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
